©2020 by Vilomah Voice. Proudly created in Raleigh, NC

Remembering Our Loss

We all approach grief differently.  Some of us want to see pictures, clothing, toys, favorite things our child used or that we planned for our kids to use.  For me, Macie's room remains just as it was when she was alive with the exception of a bed instead of a crib. We still call it Macie's room even though she passed away in 2005.  I sleep in there A LOT. Makes me feel better. I also have every item of clothing Macie ever wore. It's packed away but I will keep it forever. Over the years, I have bought things that I imagine Macie would have liked. I started quite a ridiculous American Girl collection a few years ago. There are countless other ways we remember our sweet girl. Below are some ideas for you to remember your loss. I'll keep adding to this section as I find new ways people maintain a connection to their loved one.

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Passed and Present by Allison Gilbert

Passed and Present is a one-of-a-kind guide for discovering creative and meaningful ways to keep the memory of loved ones alive. Inspiring and empowering, this much-needed, easy-to-use roadmap reveals 85 imaginative ways to celebrate and honor the family and friends we never want to forget.

Memory Bash led by Allison Gilbert

A Memory Bash is an excuse to get together as a group — eating, drinking, and having a great time while celebrating loved ones who have passed away in the company of others drawn to do the same.  Events are healing and joyful. They’re also fabulous for bringing individuals, families, and communities closer together.

Collections

Nearly everyone who knows me ends up learning about my obsession with butterflies. As I shared in my TEDx Talk, butterflies hold a special meaning to me and when I see one, I immediately think about Macie. I often feel her presence around me when chasing the little winged creatures around my garden.  We planted multiple butterfly bushes and other flowers and vegetation in our yard to attract more butterflies. They just make me happy.  We also have lots of art, like the painting on the left that decorate many rooms in our home. 

Tattoos - AKA - Tribute Tats

I'm finally getting a tattoo this year that will be an external, permanent reminder of my sweet Macie.  I'm planning, as you could probably guess, a butterfly on the inside of my right forearm with Macie's name. As I learned on Modern Loss's Instagram account, this is really popular among vilomahs and other people wanting to remember their loved ones. 

The Lost Travelers Club 

The Lost Travelers Club coordinates small group adventures for parents who have outlived their children, to remedy isolation and cope with grief in the company of others who "get it."  My friend 
Henry Cameron created this unique way to honor and remember our loved ones.

Fairy Gardens

You might be wondering how fairy gardens help people in their grief. For me, I started creating these little worlds a few years ago when I would daydream of activities Macie and I might do together. It's now become an annual project. I've ordered books, bought supplies at local craft stores and have even been a judge at local fairy garden competitions.  In short, they're fun.