It all began when I lost my daughter Macie in 2005. When new acquaintances asked me how many children I have, I stumbled all over the place. I still do.

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Do I say the number of my living children or do I include my heavenly child and invite that awkward discomfort that tends to derail the conversation?

 

So, a couple of years ago I decided to look for a way to make it okay and less uncomfortable for people to have these difficult but necessary discussions. I embarked on the quest to apply for, get accepted and deliver a TEDx Talk about how to talk to bereaved parents. A chance to share an idea worth spreading. Because vilomahs are everywhere. It includes mothers and fathers who have lost children, had miscarriages and experienced stillbirths.

 

These losses shouldn't be minimized. We don't "get over" them. We stare at this grief single day.  But it doesn't mean we want a pity party. Or long, drawn-out dark discussions. 

 

It means giving us the grace and permission to share, not only our sorrow but also about the joy and happiness we once experienced with our child, no matter what their age at death. It means giving vilomahs a voice. 

 

I was lucky enough to be one of the speakers at TEDx Cary Women on December 13, 2019. It was a bold and brilliant conference and I'm grateful for the chance to give all vilomahs a voice and show others how to talk to us.